Little Red Riding Hood
by Twinkie D
Summary: Well, folks, this is yaoi, people no likes, peolpe go away. Has 1x2, 3x4, 5x6


Warnings: Ooc, shounen ai, scary, in Twinkie style, Relena-bashing Disclaimer: MINE! Mine, mine, mine! Duo: Since when have you been Japanese? Twinkie: Shush. Wufei: Leave her alone. Don't you remember what the doctor said about her mind's condition? Duo: Huh? Oh, yes. Her mind's condition. Wufei: In English, she is delusional. Twinkie: Mine! All mine! Mwahahahhahaa!!! Duo and Wufei: O_o;;;  
  
  
  
  
  
Little Red Riding Hood  
  
Or a really crappy and stupid GW fairy tale story by Twinkie  
  
  
  
Well now. After the author had taken her much needed medication, we begin our story.  
  
Once upon a time there was a nice little boy called Heero. Heero had anything every boy could want. He had good looks (dark, unruly hair, cobalt blue eyes, and a perfect, most droolable body), loving parents, a best friend and a granny in a little cottage in the middle of a mysterious forest.  
  
But there was one thing in Heero's life he didn't find nice. As a matter of fact, he could have given almost everything to get rid of that thing.  
  
"HEEERROOO!!!!"  
  
And as we hear that shrill female voices screaming, we surely understand why Heero doesn't like it.  
  
Poor Heero. What did he do to deserve something like this?  
  
Nothing. The author is just mean.  
  
But fear not. This suffering will not be permanent.  
  
We shall go on with the story.  
  
The school had ended for the week, and Heero had run of with a hurry, trying to get away from the owner of the voice. Certain that he had gotten away, he had slowed his pace. He shouldn't have.  
  
'Cause now he had been caught.  
  
Hearing the high heels clattering behind him, he wildly searceh around him for a place to hide.  
  
But because the author is mean, as have been said before, there was not a place for the little boy to hide.  
  
Heero: Omae o korosu.  
  
Quiet. And now, because of the aforementioned mean author, Heero had to take what he was given. Which was a body of his worst nightmare clinging to his arm and side.  
  
"Heeroo."  
  
Heero was quite ready to vomit.  
  
"Why didn't you wait for me, Heero?" she asked, voice so sugary sweet that we can see it dropping honey.  
  
"Uh.well, you see, my granny's very sick and all, so I gotta go, bye!"  
  
He yanked his arm free and broke into a mad run. Some people might say that he was running like he had the devil on his heels.  
  
Well.it was, wasn't it?  
  
In a form.of Relena Peacecraft!  
  
  
  
~ * ~  
  
  
  
After running for what seemed like an eternity, Heero finally was home, behind locked doors and windows, he sighed in relief.  
  
Thirsty from this Run-Heero-Run-It's-Relena-run, he decided to go to kitchen to have a much needed drink.  
  
His mother was on the kitchen, preparing a basket full of food and different kind of drinks for him to take his granny.  
  
As his son walked through the kitchen door, Quatre turned to look at him. He had heard from Relena's mother that Heero was rudely avoiding Relena. He didn't even a moment wonder why, but the terrible whining of Relena's mother had forced him to promise him to talk with Heero about it.  
  
"Hello, Heero dear. How was school?"  
  
Heero raised his eyebrows. His mother (who really isn't female, but as we want to keep things simple, we just call him her, 'k?) was looking at him in a way he knew he was going to ask questions.  
  
"Mother, please. I don't want to talk about her. I don't like her. She is revolting. Her voice only makes me want to kill myself. Check that, even her name makes me want to kill myself."  
  
Now it was Quatre's turn to raise an eyebrow.  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
Quatre knew his son. He believed him. And the fact itself that Heero had spoken more that three words was telling him something of his feelings.  
  
"I understand. But please, try not to act so rudely towards her, though I know it must be hard. For my sanity's sake, please! Her mother whines to me, and her voice is almost as bad as Relena's! I'm going to go crazy if she ever again whines me like that! Gaah!!!"  
  
Quatre fell to the floor, keeping his head.  
  
This was when Heero's father, Trowa, came in.  
  
He took glance to the room, and instantly knew what was wrong. He was special in that kind of way.  
  
Trowa ran to Quatre's side and kneeled beside him,  
  
"Quatre, breathe! Little one, think about sunny days and flowers! Breathe! Sunny days, flowers!"  
  
quatre raised his head, eyes full of tears and lower lip trembling.  
  
"Trowa.?"  
  
He looked to Trowa's deep green eyes, sniffed, and threw himself to his  
  
husband's arms  
  
"Oh, Trowa!"  
  
Heero suddenly had the sudden urge to flee, and so he just grabbed the basket for his granny and Wing, and left.  
  
Now you might wonder what 'Wing' is.  
  
Wing.well, lets just say that Wing was one of the most important things in Heero's life. Wherever he went, Wing was always with him. Even in school. He could need it. When things got complicated and/or dangerous, it helped him out of them. Wing was red, made of the softest of all fabrics.  
  
Wing was.a hood.  
  
Because of that particular hood, Heero was also known as Little Red Riding Hood, though he felt it to be offending to be called 'little'.  
  
Anyhoo, Heero was now happily on his way to the granny's house.  
  
But unknown to him, two pairs of eyes were set on him.  
  
The other pair belonged to the Stalker-of-all-pretty-boys-like-Heero, Relena Peacecraft, to whom we already have had the, uh, joy to get to know to.  
  
She had been, like usual, spending her time in the bushes in the courtyard of Heero's home, waiting for him to come out and go somewhere so Relena could stalk him, like she used to do.  
  
Then Heero had come out, a basket in his hands and hood in his head. She had quickly and stealthily * cough cough * followed him.  
  
Let me make something clear. Because Relena wasn't stealthy at all, even totally deaf people did hear her. Hero did hear her too, but was sure it was just some kind of animal.  
  
Did I forget to say that he was in the forest already? No? Well, he was already in the forest. He was very deep in his thoughts, as he walked along the familiar path to the granny's cottage.  
  
And where were his thoughts?  
  
Well, you see, Heero had walked many, many times before to the granny's cottage, which happened to live there in that mysterious forest where he was now walking. In one of these times he had met a wolf, or as most of the people might know him, The Big Bad Wolf.  
  
Indeed.  
  
One sunny and beautiful day, the wolf had just walked over to him and said, "Hiya there, cutie. Nice day isn't it? Wanna fuck?"  
  
Heero, a guy never to turn down such an inviting invitations, had said 'Yes', followed the wolf to his cave where they had made hot, passionate love the whole day through.  
  
And a bit of the second day too.  
  
It was nice, to have somebody to spend time his time with. Especially someone who looked as gorgeous as his wolf.  
  
Big, clear violet-blue eyes, rounded by dark, thick lashes, long, beautiful chestnut colored hair in a braid, lithe form and a charming smile.  
  
Heero sighed.  
  
Now some people ask 'Wasn't he supposed to be a wolf?'  
  
No. He was just being called a wolf, for reasons many humans didn't know. Maybe because in the original 'Little Red Riding Hood' there was a Big Bad Wolf, and the author is trying to keep up with that.  
  
So, the wolf-boy was really not a wolf-boy, only an ordinary (yet very appealing and loveable) boy, who just somehow happened to live in a cave in a middle of a mysterious forest, where Heero's granny's cottage was.  
  
The boy's (or wolf's, however you wanna put it) name was Duo.  
  
And here we get to the other pair of eyes on Heero. Yes, you guessed right. It was Duo.  
  
Duo, unlike Heero, had noticed the nosy and annoying girl following our boy with the infamous hood.  
  
He knew Relena by her reputation (which wasn't very good, most people didn't like her. and you can only wonder why.)  
  
The-Stalker-of-all-pretty-boys-like-Heero wasn't high in his 'People-I-like- most' list. Duo decided to protect his Hee-chan from this nightmarishly dangerous threat Relena Peacecraft presented, and quickly ran after Heero.  
  
The other boy recognized the softly padding footsteps and turned to receive an armful of a happily beaming wolf-boy.  
  
"Hee-chan! Long time no see!" Duo hugged Heero from the earnest, and smiling felt him do the same.  
  
"We saw two days ago." Heero said, burying his face to Duo's sweet smelling hair.  
  
"To me it felt like an eternity." Duo whispered to Heero's ear. "You're not the only one who thinks so." Heero pulled back a little to look into Duo's shining eyes.  
  
Time seemed to stop.  
  
I think it's needless to say that the two boys were madly in love. They had had this kind of meetings for only a week or two, but, you know, when you fall, you fall hard and quick. * Shrug *  
  
Oh, wow. How romantic.  
  
But there was a person who didn't like the rest of us. Heero was hers, HERS, and some wolf-boy couldn't take him away from her.  
  
As she watched Heero and the wolf-boy's staring to each others eyes evolve into something more, she thought. * gasp * Relena Peacecrap, uh, -craft, THINKING?!  
  
And sure it was hard. It took her a little forever to think up a plan (not so good plan, I might add), and after that she had an enormous headache.  
  
Some people might say 'Poor her'. But we don't.  
  
On with the story. After making up that not-so-good-plan (though * she * thought it was good ) she quickly started to make her way to Heero's granny's cottage.  
  
And since we can't yet find out what Relena's master plan was, we'll move to the two lovebirds, err, wolves.  
  
"Oh, Heero! "Duo!"  
  
* Ahem * Maybe we will just wait a little while longer.  
  
~After a little while longer~  
  
When Heero and Duo had got their respective clothes on, they continued their way to Heero's granny's cottage.  
  
And because the author is tired of repeatedly saying 'Heero's granny's cottage', she will from now on just say 'hgc', okay? Right.  
  
However, although our heroes bravely tried to fight against it, the journey to the Hgc was time to time interrupted by the, hmm, strong feelings between them.  
  
In English, they just got enough of the groping and found a place they could screw.  
  
And because of that, the 20-minute journey stretched to an 3 hour-long journey.  
  
Well, as they had once again satisfied their natural instincs, they bumped into the strong and mighty hunter of the forest, (sexy) Zehcs!  
  
Duo and Zechs knew each other, for if you live in a mysterious forest where lives only two other besides you, you will eventually get to know to them, you wanted or not.  
  
They had had few tea-drinking times, discussed their hair conditioners and such when meeting.  
  
It was strange that the people who lived in the mysterious forest all had a long hair. We have already heard of Duo's hair, but now we're gonna hear of Zechs'. His hair was the color of platinum, and reached way down to his ass. With eyes like a summer day sky and in all ways possible nice body, it was a surprise they hadn't been doing anything else than drinking tea. (And I'm talking the truth here. There really hadn't been going on anything more than the tea.)  
  
Anyway, Heero, Duo and Zechs talked about everything and nothing, until Zechs suddenly changed the subject to a totally different one.  
  
"Do you happen to know, that the person commonly called the Stalker-of-all- pretty-boys-like Heero is in this forest? I heard the little birds talking about it. And my inner voice says that she is to be eliminated, or something terrible will happen."  
  
* A very meaningful moment when everybody looked into each others in that from soap opera's so well known significant look *  
  
"You.can't possibly mean.that.Relena is here?!" Heero then cried out in terror.  
  
"I'm afraid.that it is so, Heero." Zechs looked to be very sorry, because as well as it was known Relena's true nature and name (the Stalker-of-all- pretty-boys-like-Heero and/or Devil), it was known that she was after Heero. 24/7.  
  
Heero was (again) ready to vomit.  
  
"NOOOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
And at that moment, Heero cursed everything and anything. Himself, Relena, God, and the fic's author.  
  
"Damn you! Damn you to hell!"  
  
.  
  
'Nuff said about that.  
  
After this shocking bit of information (which Duo had already known, but decided to keep his mouth shut about), Zechs went to his merry own way, searching for the bitch nobody liked, and Heero and Duo were left alone.  
  
They continued their way to the Hgc, and as soon as they reached the yard of Hgc, they both knew something was seriously wrong.  
  
No birds singing happily in the trees or the sky above, sun had gone behind a cloud, and the whole place itself looked like it was in a need of some joy and happiness.  
  
Heero, very worried about his old granny, hurriedly made his way to the cottage's door, and charged in.  
  
Everything seemed to be on its rightful place. Chairs and the table were where they belonged to, and granny was sleeping in the bed, her blond hair-  
  
Wait a minute. Blonde hair?  
  
Heero carefully ventured closer to the bed, and indeed, the hair of his granny's was blond.  
  
It shouldn't be. His granny had brown hair!  
  
Heero pushed Duo out of the cottage, and quietly shut the door behind him. From his hood he grabbed his mobile phone, and dialed the number of his best friend, the dragon-boy, Wufei's number.  
  
At the same time Duo was calling Zechs.  
  
"Mayday, red alert. I repeat, red alert. Come to Heero's granny's cottage."  
  
  
  
~ * ~  
  
In the other side of the town, Wufei, the dragon-boy, understood that a national disaster was threatening to consume every part of our world. Relena Peacecraft was once again trying to get through with one of her evil schemes.  
  
He took his katana with him, and was out of the door more quickly than Heero could say 'Omae o korosu'.  
  
  
  
~ * ~  
  
  
  
So, it didn't take either Zechs or Wufei more than ten minutes to get to the place where Heero and Duo stood.  
  
"Relena is in Heero's granny's cottage. She is definitely trying to fool Heero to believe that she is Heero's granny, and then take over Heero's heart with some kind of evil spell!"  
  
Duo is totally right. This was Relena's master plan. And I did say it was stupid. In the end, Relena did not posses any kind of powers to make it come true. Silly girl.  
  
Zechs and Wufei both nodded, much more interested to check each others out than thinking of Relena ( well, anyone would rather look and think anything that didn't involve Relena.)  
  
After being very satisfied with what the other one looked, our brave warriors turned their attention to the innocent looking cottage, where the Bitch of all bitches was.  
  
What should they do?  
  
To make things short, after much thinking and casual (!) groping, they just marched in to the Hgc, and started (quietly) to search Heero's granny.  
  
And, indeed, their request, which needed much courage, for Relena might wake and start to scream, was rewarded when they found Heero's granny from the closet.  
  
.  
  
But wait. Heero's granny was not granny. She was not old, not was she wrinkled, or anything else that comes with age.  
  
Frankly, Heero's granny looked young.  
  
They dragged her away, Heero being the only one who didn't think it to be strange an old woman to look not old at all.  
  
Heero gently shook her, and soon she opened her eyes.  
  
" Heero my boy, nice to see you!" she said and smiled. "Great, you've brought friends too! Hello, I'm Heero's granny, Lady Une."  
  
Everybody murmured something, still pretty shocked of her young appearance.  
  
Then she seemed to remember something.  
  
"Oh, by the way, inside of my cozy cottage is an evil onna. Could you, Heero, with your friends, get rid of her? Now, if possible. I've made some really good tasting apple-pie, and I don't want her to eat it, thank you very much."  
  
This got an even more shocked reply. Apple-pie? In the cottage?  
  
Good god, Relena could eat it! (some people are a witty bitty slow today.)  
  
"Okay, now here is the plan. Heero and Duo, you take her arms, and me and sex- uh, Zechs take the legs", Wufei told, a great idea suddenly hitting him.  
  
Duo and Heero looked like they were ready to vomit.  
  
"I don't want to touch her! Yuuuck!" they both cried out at the same time.  
  
Wufei sighed. "Life is a bitch. You take the arms and we take the legs, and that is that."  
  
The two lovers looked a bit (okay, maybe not just a bit) sulky, but, in the end, they would do anything to get the Bitch of all bitches out of Hgc.  
  
So, once again, they silently sneaked into the cottage, took the legs and arms of the Bitch of all bitches, and dragged her out.  
  
"So, now what?" Duo asked, quite eagerly ready to drop her to the ground.  
  
Wufei grinned. "And now, my dear friends, we will open her stomach, put hell of a much heavy stones in, and throw her to the lake."  
  
.  
  
"One problem. Here is no lakes around. Nor rivers. Not even a bloody well. Sorry."  
  
" Dammit. What an injustice. In that case, we have to turn to the plan B."  
  
" Which is.?" Heero asked carefully.  
  
Wufei's already evil grin turned to an even more evil one.  
  
"We will. SUMMON THE DOROTHY!"  
  
Well, they didn't need to summon the Dorothy, 'cause in the same moment 'Fei said 'DOROTHY', a girl with long blond hair and freaky eyebrows was standing in front of them.  
  
" You called?" she asked.  
  
"Yup. You wanna take this onna with you and live with her till the end of times?" Wufei requested, and raised Relena's foot to her.  
  
The maniac glint in Dorothy's eyes scared the wits out of them all.  
  
" If you don't mind or need her."  
  
"NO, WE DON'T!"  
  
".then I'll take her with me. Thanks!"  
  
She grabbed Relena, and was gone before anyone could say a thing.  
  
Nobody wanted to know what she was about to do with the stupid onna, and truth to be told, they didn't care.  
  
They just shrugged and went to Hgc to eat lots and lots and lots and, well, you get the idea, of Heero's granny's apple-pie.  
  
Sometime in the future, Heero married Duo, Wufei and sex- uh, Zechs followed, granny Une lived in her cottage, every once in a while getting visited by Heero's mother and father, or by Heero, Duo and their children (yes, I know they are both men, but this is a fairy tale, and I'm the author and I can do whatever I want to!). Sometimes Zechsy and Wufei came along, and everybody had a joyous time.  
  
And much to their relief (and the world around them) they never heard of Relena after that day.  
  
So, as we all probably understood, everyone lived happily ever after, and this all too long and boring story will end here.  
  
1. owari-  
  
  
  
  
  
Twinkie: phew. finally I got it ready! Duo: Yes, finally. Hey, Twinkie. Twinkie: Yes, Duo love? Duo: Could you do me a favor? Twinkie: What kind of favor? Duo: Please draw a pic of me and Heero. Heero could be wearing a dress ( a short dress) and. something sexy. * dreamy look * Twinkie: . * very hentai grin* allright! I'll be just going! Duo: You're the best! Twinkie: I know. 


End file.
